Sunday, January 24, 2010


Today I was tired. Kelsie and I didn't get home until 10:00pm.........we had another rabbit show. I embarrassed myself by oversleeping and missing prayer partners this morning. I drove my daughter to a cavy meeting that wasn't happening this week, and concluded with an exhausting evening of AWANA. Oh, I also forgot that I managed to get two hours of HBOT in with DJ this afternoon.

Now, that is always an adventure! Imagine zipping yourself into a round vinyl chamber (I refer to as the ziplock bag) with an unwilling six year old child for two hours. There isn't much room and you have to figure out how to entertain them! The first hour usually goes ok as he watches movies and the only scuffle is me yelling "Get your mask on!" You see he also has to wear an oxygen mask to make this work!!

Hour two is much more grueling...... I have to live with the constant complaints of how boring this is, and dodge hits to the head from his elbows. He also likes to beat the lower part of you with his legs......the other awesome part is I get to do this for the next twenty days then take two weeks off......then we'll be back at it again for another twenty days.

So, this is HBOT! I wish that was the part of today that was the worst bummer............but I made a discovery today that kind of blindsided me.

Today, I decided that we would watch G-Force. I am usually watching pre-school shows because he really hasn't graduated to children's movies. I put my foot down today because I am SO tired of Wow Wow Wubzy, Bob the Builder, Thomas, and The Backyardagains! I started the movie and was really starting to get into it when he goes off on how he wants to see something else.

This goes on for ten minutes. Then, he starts freaking out over any scene that has suspense. I keep explaining how it's a Disney guinea pig will will end happy!! The pep talk wasn't really sinking in his little brain. Just getting through the movie was exhausting!

Finally, it was time for movie wrap up! You know the time we all spend reviewing a film after we see it! Sometimes this part is even more fun than watching the movie! Why??? Because this is when we connect as humans.......we share an event that we both experienced emotionally.

We connect!

I got to this part with DJ......I asked him how he liked the movie? He responded with, "I want to watch Extreme Trains." I asked him again.....elicited the same response. I then asked him what pig he liked best.....I got, "I want to get out." This question and answer period went on for another ten minutes. Toward the end, I must admit that I was starting to get a little nasty.......out of shear frustration. I wanted to beg him to relate to me.....see something I did.

Thank God, our time ended in the HBOT. I was struck a little later how it's almost impossible to connect with DJ on a primal level. I know he loves me.....and I love him. I was still left feeling that my son and I have nothing in common.......nothing to talk about......nothing to share.

I could give you every scientific explanation for why this is......I could explain to you how his brain is miswired and how this affect his ability to communicate, relate, and make emotional connections. Truth is that today all I felt was heartache.......The in your face, painful, heart wrenching pain. I had to realize that DJ and I may never have things to talk about except what he finds interesting. I don't even know if he cares that I don't care and am tired of hearing about it.

Tomorrow, we go to Phoenix for two days of doctor's appointments, IV's, and OT. Tomorrow I will bury my hurt and frustration and blindly have faith. Thank God.....I have tomorrow. This is how I cope...........this is how I survive.