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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

When a Band-Aid Covers the Bullet Hole...

Pain is inevitable. Life doesn't go the way you want it to and it has this amazing way of ripping the ground right out from under you! Mine was cancer and autism.....What's yours??

How we deal with the pain is the key to survival. Some people shut down and fall into deep depression......some get angry and spend the rest of their lives and bitter and mean.......a few just live in denial.......and others still go on to simile and tell you they are fine.....which one are you??

I tend to be the smile type. I don't really like to focus on the negative, but it will rear it's head and I find moments when I just break down and fall apart...... You start to think about all the long term implications of your problems. Will my child ever be able to survive on his own, will my finances hold out, what is happening to my family and how will we be able to survive the next disaster. These thoughts tend to surface when it's very late, I'm alone, and exhausted.

The thing is.....we all place band aids over the gaping holes in our life. Dark and spooky places where the light doesn't shine.

What pulls us out of these places?? For me it's God and my wonderful friends. Little miracles show up when I least expect it. Today, it was a beautiful comment left for me on Facebook.

I had a rough day....lately they all have been. Cardiologist appointment for husband this morning, then I had to pick up prescriptions, needed to do some serious cooking for my son, and that didn't even begin to put a dent in my to do list. I have been totally and completely overwhelmed the last couple of months. Yet, through it all....little miracles keep popping up. My small group has provided me with a couple of meals. One really special friend even brought desert, and made special brownies that my son could eat. His smile made lots of the frustration go away....... Then today, the beautiful comment.

The point it how many people have that band aid on? Do we look deeper or take the, "I'm fine" band aid response as the final answer? Pain is inevitable.......how we reach out to others is a choice. Giving of ourselves is a choice. We can help properly dress each others wounds.......pour out love and dress with a hug. I think I will try to look deeper tomorrow.......I challenge you to do the same.

Monday, January 4, 2010

They Grow Up So Fast.....

I am truly happy that this day is over. It started at four this
morning after a terrible night of sleep. Sleep or no sleep, I had to get DJ to his doctor's appointment by 8:20AM for labs and IVIG. Intravenous Immunogammoglobulin is an IV drip that lasts four hours. We head up to Dr. Schneider's office every month to have the procedure done. I usually stay over and follow up with chelation and OT the following day. I had to make it a one day trip with husbands hip surgery, so I knew that it was going to be a LONG day. Phoenix is three hours from Yuma, so six hours of driving with four hours of doctor's appointment isn't something you look forward to.
Anyway, today was our once a month.....With the kids being out of school, I took Kelsie with me.
I loaded everyone into the car at five and headed East. Kelsie slept off and on and DJ doesn't sleep but he was fairly quiet on the way up. I just tried to stay awake.....
We got the IV started and I left Kelsie with DJ to go shopping at Whole Foods for his dietary needs. She had to help him for the hour I was gone by keeping him entertained and wheeling his IV down the hall to the bathroom when he needed to go. I could leave knowing that she was responsible for him.
We got through the doctor, shopping, and dropping off a rabbit to 4-H kid that wanted one of her Tans for the Maricopa County Fair. We got to Gila Bend and I let her take over driving. As she drove, I got to thinking about how blessed I am.
I looked over at the driver's seat and saw a young woman......not the kid I was used to seeing. It seems that the times you are the most exhausted that clarity sets in!
Kelsie takes on a tremendous amount of responsibility. I know that she is capable of taking care of her brother which is no easy feat! She manages a herd of fifty rabbits, and thirty cavies while still managing to make decent grades and participates in 4-H and FFA.

Here's the issue.....I spend more time riding her butt then I ever do telling her what an amazing person she is becoming. I did a better job of complementing my students at school than I do her. What will the cost to her self-esteem for my mistake be??
I made it a point to let her know how impressed I was with her driving skills today. I also made it a point to thank her for helping me with her brother. I may not get it right everyday but, today I made sure I did.
I am so blessed to have both of my children.......they are more than just a job, they are my gifts from God!