Thursday, August 13, 2009

But This Isn't What I Ordered!!

I had to leave my vacation early today due to unforeseen circumstances. Hey, it's not any one's fault but I couldn't help but think......This isn't what I ordered!

My daughter and I left beautiful Oceanside, California this morning. To extend my vacation, we drove down Pacific Coast Highway until we reached La Jolla. The drive should have been refreshing as we passed through seaside towns and right along side the Pacific Ocean. It wasn't.....I was brooding!

We finally jumped on I-5 to transition to I-8 heading east. I didn't talk much....mumbled under my breath and grumbled about traffic, drivers, and my problems.

Finally, I stopped in El Centro at their local Mickey D's. I went to the bathroom and my mood further soured
due to the blast furnace of heat that hit me when I opened the door. I got back in the car to order from the drive through. You see, we couldn't eat inside due to a show Guinea pig passenger we had. (A discussion topic for later for those of you who don't know me personally!) I ordered our food and drove around to pick it up. Finally, I was feeling more chipper. We now had drinks and food, so I was feeling a little more chipper.

Then it happened...............

I reached in the bag and realized I didn't even get what I ordered!! How could people be so dumb and irresponsible. Hey, we've all been here.....torqued and too busy to go back. I drove home begrudgingly eating the food they had given me. Angry with each bite and swallow.
I just kept thinking, this isn't what I ordered!

You see, I have faced a week of bitter disappointment and discouragement and the wrong food was the final straw! I just wanted something to go right. It wasn't fair......

I took tonight, now that it quiet, to reflect on the actual vacation. I wanted to get out of my pity party and focus on something positive. As I reflected, my mind kept coming back to the afternoon DJ and I spent at the beach. He ran, played, and splashed in the surf. Joy exuded from his whole body as he took in the ocean and all it had to offer. You see, DJ doesn't brood.

If anyone in the world has a right to be angry and bitter, it's DJ. He has spent most of his very young life being a science experiment. He has had more doctor's appointment, thousands of hours of therapy, months away from home to receive therapy, countless IVs, hours sitting getting IV's, a full GI series, very weird diet, thousands of supplement pills, and so much more.

Never once has he stated, "This isn't what I ordered mommy!"

He cries, and complains briefly only to replace these emotions with hugs and high fives to those whom just inflicted the pain upon him. I believe that DJ truly has the Spirit of Christ in his heart. He is a model of forgiveness, and love.

To be totally honest, DJ isn't exactly what I ordered either. I have learned that God often gives us our greatest gifts when we don't get what we want. How could I have ever gained true perspective without DJ? I consistently learn my greatest life lessons from a disabled six year old little boy. God is the master of contrast.

I thank God tonight for autism and DJ. Although God hasn't chosen to restore my son's health, He chooses to give me a blessing amidst the suffering. DJ isn't the perfect little boy I ordered but he is exactly what I needed to help me be the person I was designed to be!