They Grow Up So Fast.....

I am truly happy that this day is over. It started at four this

morning after a terrible night of sleep. Sleep or no sleep, I had to get DJ to his doctor's appointment by 8:20AM for labs and IVIG. Intravenous Immunogammoglobulin is an IV drip that lasts four hours. We head up to Dr. Schneider's office every month to have the procedure done. I usually stay over and follow up with chelation and OT the following day. I had to make it a one day trip with husbands hip surgery, so I knew that it was going to be a LONG day. Phoenix is three hours from Yuma, so six hours of driving with four hours of doctor's appointment isn't something you look forward to.

Anyway, today was our once a month.....With the kids being out of school, I took Kelsie with me.

I loaded everyone into the car at five and headed East. Kelsie slept off and on and DJ doesn't sleep but he was fairly quiet on the way up. I just tried to stay awake.....

We got the IV started and I left Kelsie with DJ to go shopping at Whole Foods for his dietary needs. She had to help him for the hour I was gone by keeping him entertained and wheeling his IV down the hall to the bathroom when he needed to go. I could leave knowing that she was responsible for him.

We got through the doctor, shopping, and dropping off a rabbit to 4-H kid that wanted one of her Tans for the Maricopa County Fair. We got to Gila Bend and I let her take over driving. As she drove, I got to thinking about how blessed I am.

I looked over at the driver's seat and saw a young woman......not the kid I was used to seeing. It seems that the times you are the most exhausted that clarity sets in!

Kelsie takes on a tremendous amount of responsibility. I know that she is capable of taking care of her brother which is no easy feat! She manages a herd of fifty rabbits, and thirty cavies while still managing to make decent grades and participates in 4-H and FFA.

Here's the issue.....I spend more time riding her butt then I ever do telling her what an amazing person she is becoming. I did a better job of complementing my students at school than I do her. What will the cost to her self-esteem for my mistake be??

I made it a point to let her know how impressed I was with her driving skills today. I also made it a point to thank her for helping me with her brother. I may not get it right everyday but, today I made sure I did.

I am so blessed to have both of my children.......they are more than just a job, they are my gifts from God!

What Do You See??

Lately I have been studying a bit on the life of David. King David was certainly a walking conundrum. He either had his eyes on God, or somewhere in the dirt. He was either a hero or a goat and NOTHING in between.

Sound like anyone you know??

I have often felt a kindred spirit to David. Considering I either really get it right or fall so short, I know God flinches with disappointment. It is always when I take my eyes off of God and look at circumstances or people as a human that I inevitably fall on my face.

This past year, I would have missed the opportunity to get to know an incredibly special young woman had I based my opinion on my own judgement. You see, I saw this young woman as selfish, childish, and quite conceited. I based this opinion on the few times I saw her in very controlled situations. At first glance she did seem shallow but, I never took the time to speak with her......only about her to others. Yep, I participated in good ole fashion gossip. I never spoke outside my family but gossip is still gossip. Why did I do this?? I still ask myself that today.

God sometimes has a way of making me see my faults. Sometimes He's pretty in my face about it.........but not always. Sometimes, He moves quietly behind the scenes. Weaving a tapestry that will become my bigger picture.

It turns out that my daughter became friends with this young woman. At first, I was VERY skeptical. I warned my daughter repeatably to be careful as these "friends" were older and could eventually hurt her badly. Still, I felt that sometimes hard lessons need to be experienced and let the relationship develop without intervening.

The turning point for me was when I sat down one afternoon and had a very long conversation with the young woman. She was so easy to talk to. I found her to be sensitive, caring, and extremely compassionate to others. She was like many people, putting on a front until she got to know you. Having been hurt so much in her past, it was just the way she protected herself and she was young. Young people need the chance to make mistakes and grow into mature people. I was surprised about her true nature and felt immediately drawn to her. In fact, I have become somewhat of a mentor to this young woman and have grown to love her very much like my own daughter.

Initially, I felt incredibly disgusted with myself for making such rash judgements when I have fought so hard for people to see my son as person not a disability. Yet, I had done the same thing........I had done exactly the same thing to another beautiful human being.

1 Samuel 16:7 says "God does not see the same way people see. People look at the outside of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart. (NCV)" I had forgotten to see the heart first......to see as God sees. Once again..........I was the goat.

God forgives and, I learned. I carefully guard against forming opinions before getting to know someone and I definitely stay away from gossip. The lesson for me was truly seeing through God's eyes means looking inward first which is contrary to our nature.


What do you see when you look out into the world?? Sometimes stepping back and pondering what God's vision would be will keep you from being the goat too..........try it the next time your ready to jump to conclusions. Imagine how different the world would be if we all did!

What is Your Breaking Point?

Lately, I have been bombarded by a plethora of too much stuff to do........

Hubby got a new hip, so I have had the privilege of convalescing him. Then, there is always DJ's diet, supplements, animal chores, and finally.....Christmas! Throw 4-H meetings on top of that plus medical trips to Phoenix, and I just wanted to find a large hole to climb into.

The breaking point came yesterday. It wasn't anything huge...........just a painful part of raising small animals. One of Kelise's prize Coronet show boars, Preston, got a mystery respiratory infection and died. No warning........healthy pig one day, dead pig the next. This of course, just happened to be a pig I had gotten rather attached to. Whether it was my exhaustion, or just emotional release, I cried for quite some time. I honestly can't remember getting so upset about a cavy in years. I don't think it was just the cavy though.......

The point is that we all have a breaking point. Mine just happened to be over a cavy. The pressure and stress that had been building up in my life spilled over because I just couldn't handle one more thing. The release was amazing and let my family know I had actually had it! They woke up and took notice. I probably should have found a healthier way to manage the stress but, in the midst of all the chaos I forgot to communicate.

What is your breaking point?? How close are you to reaching it? Slow down in the new year and take stock of what is really important to you. I let things get away from me and ended up in emotional upheaval. I figured I had control of my insanity so, I pushed forward to the point of having a mini-breakdown. God reminded me once again that I can't survive without help. We all need to ask for help before things get out of hand.......remember, no person exists in a vacuum and everyone, even me, needs help from time to time!

I do feel better today. I am blessed to have a tolerant and loving family. However, I still hurt and miss Mr. Preston. :( God never promised a pain free life but that's a topic for another day!

Happy New Year

Another year has ended.........

Sometimes that seems like a really awesome thing. A chance to start over.......

Truth is that tomorrow I will still have all the problems that I have today. My son will still be broken, my family will still be incredibly financially challenged, and I will still have the insane merry go round that is my life. Not to mention, I still have that Christmas tree to deal with and those darn outside lights!! 2010 really won't erase these things.

So then what is it that makes us feel renewed with the changing of the year.........

Promise! and Hope! The passing of a year brings us back to the hope of renewal. No matter how dire the circumstances, we revel and celebrate..........we dare to hope and dream again. This new year hasn't been jaded by our bad decisions, crummy circumstances, and inner turmoil. It lays beautifully in our minds.........like the forgotten special Christmas present ready to be opened.........

and we will open it!

We will walk into 2010 for time really pauses for no one.

It is my prayer for all to have a year of joy, prosperity, and love. I pray that we will all become more aware of our creator and His intentions for our lives. That we will be compassionate and loving toward each other and less consumed about ourselves. I pray that God will give special blessings to parents of Special Needs children and the world will one day discover the uniqueness of these amazing children. I finally pray for healing for our children......all children everywhere....... for it is children that truly understand hope and new beginnings.

Happy New Year dear friends! See you all in 2010!! :)

New Year's Resolutions

Why is it that every year about this time we think we need to reflect. It's not that I'm against reflection it's just that sometimes people spend too much time looking backwards and not enough time looking forward. This phenomenon is only worse when December 31st rolls around. I have to admit that I am guilty of indulging in this holiday tradition along with so many others.

A year flies by so rapidly........it seems like just yesterday 2009 dawned with all the promise of an unopened gift. I had so many hopes for my family and personal life. Things I was going to change, improve.........

Well, on December 30th, reality dawns! So many things I didn't accomplish! My children still aren't perfect and I am still not slim, and my husband is still cranky! What's a woman to do??

LET IT GO!!!

Tonight, I am going to make a choice to focus not on the things I didn't get right but on what I did get right! I am tired of punishing myself for all the things I flubbed. We could all be better, brighter, more considerate........

I am thankful I have such a forgiving God. His Son certainly covers up many blotches that cover most of my life! I am going to strive to be better, be more holy, be more Christ like! This is my resolution for the coming decade. However, this has been my resolution for the last forty years of my life. I will NEVER be perfect........but, with Christ, I can be better than I ever imagined myself to be!

Happy New Year to everyone! May God bless our country with abudance and compassion this year.