Finally Fair!!

Today is nuts. I am scrambling to help Kelsie get all her animals ready for Yuma County Fair, get the little man off to mom's for a sleepover, get to church and prayer partners by four, try to figure out why the email on computer wont work, and get to Del Mar tomorrow! It's official......I am overbooked and boy am I feeling it today.

Monday starts the insanity of our fair. I love it and hate it all at the same time! We have thirty some animals to get there and then I have to help work the barn the whole week. Kelsie shows cavies on Tuesday, Poultry on Wednesday and Rabbits on Thursday and Friday, with the auction on Saturday, and finally check out Sunday night. Whew, just writing it is exhausting me!!

Then, like the sucker I am, I have to be in Del Mar tomorrow........I think I need my head examined!!

Somehow, it will all work out. It always does. I just find that in the middle of the fray, it's hard to come up for air.

I am realizing this week how incredibly fast my daughter is growing up. Only two more fairs for her! It is my hopes this week to just enjoy being a 4-H mom and leader. Take time to enjoy the kids because that's what the fair is all about!

It has been amazing to see her transformation and growth through rabbits. She was so shy in the begining she was scared to death to even show. So many wonderful friends and mentors have changed her into the unique and special young lady she has become. Only two more fairs........where does the time go?

Wonder if my mother felt that way? Experiencing 4-H as an adult has been so rewarding and my hopes are that every child has a terrific experience. For ribbons are nice, but learning to keep it all together under pressure is the ultimate experience!!

Aspiring for More!

I must admit that I am an Olympics junkie. There is something astounding about these athletes that have trained and sacrificed so much for one goal.......to be the best! I can't even imagine giving up friends, school , and even family to train as an elite athlete. Then you have their families........what have they given up to fuel the dreams of their children? Some have done without for so long......while others have worked two and three jobs to finance their young hopefuls.........It really is almost overwhelming.

However, I got to thinking tonight that we parents of Special Needs children really aren't much different. I have traveled great distances, spent weeks away from home, quit my job, spent endless hours researching treatment, hours of therapy, hours giving therapy, and heartbreaking times fighting for my son. Why, because I believe in him.....I believe.

We parents will probably never be featured on national television, and our children won't be gracing the pages of Sports Illustrated. Still, we press on....some of us trying to teach our children to walk, talk, eat, or learn to be human. Daily.....all around us these struggles continue. Our medals are not Gold or Silver, they are smiles, tears, and triumphs for things most parents take for granted.

I never realized that I am an Olympian. Not a sports figure.....but in spirit because I believe that with tremendous hard work and effort AND faith.......my son will have a future! I carry my torch daily with so many of my special friends with special children.

If you know one of us......give us a congratulatory hug......our journey is long and for some of us it will never end....but we believe and we have faith! All we ask for is a little encouragement......our finish line is often far away and we need to hear the cowbells and cheers to push us along the way!

Invisible

Today, I have been feeling used up.......You know, the tired, overwhelmed, can't go one more step, kind of exhaustion. I think we all get there........sometimes.

Kelsie had FFA career activities at our community college all day. That meant the burden of the barn and cavies fell on mom's shoulders. On top of this, I was up all night watching one of her does who was doing her darnedest to have her litter of bunnies on the wire. (This means out of the nest box and on the floor of the cage) Kelsie has had a tough time getting Tan babies this year so, it was important that they didn't become bunnysicles!

I let her go to bed at midnight after we finished her breeder profile that she was asked to do. It was a real honor that she be asked to do this profile as the District Two Director, Joey Shultz will be submitting it to the Domestic Rabbit for his column. So, after much editing on my part.....we came up with a final draft for her to submit...........she went to bed........I babysat a dumb rabbit!

Then, this morning hit with all it's glory. After two hours of sleep, my husband woke me up to inform me that my son had missed the Sped Bus. Great! Now, Kel had to be at school by eight and DJ had to be dressed, take his supplements, eat breakfast and at school by 7:45. So much for a calm morning with coffee and the Today show.

I could go on.....but why??? Many parents face complicated lives.......it's just lately......I've started to feel invisible. I have become the cog that makes the clock work. I live on the inside and no person really sees what I do. It stinks, and it hurts.......sometimes.

Many of us have felt the sting of being invisible. Although accolades are nice, are they the ultimate prize in our lives? God calls us to reach beyond ourselves and serve.........so serving here at home is still the most important job I have. So, for today, I need to rest and rejuvenate.....then, I can face the challenges that arise tomorrow.......with God's help!

Blindsided......

Today I was tired. Kelsie and I didn't get home until 10:00pm.........we had another rabbit show. I embarrassed myself by oversleeping and missing prayer partners this morning. I drove my daughter to a cavy meeting that wasn't happening this week, and concluded with an exhausting evening of AWANA. Oh, I also forgot that I managed to get two hours of HBOT in with DJ this afternoon.

Now, that is always an adventure! Imagine zipping yourself into a round vinyl chamber (I refer to as the ziplock bag) with an unwilling six year old child for two hours. There isn't much room and you have to figure out how to entertain them! The first hour usually goes ok as he watches movies and the only scuffle is me yelling "Get your mask on!" You see he also has to wear an oxygen mask to make this work!!

Hour two is much more grueling...... I have to live with the constant complaints of how boring this is, and dodge hits to the head from his elbows. He also likes to beat the lower part of you with his legs......the other awesome part is I get to do this for the next twenty days then take two weeks off......then we'll be back at it again for another twenty days.

So, this is HBOT! I wish that was the part of today that was the worst bummer............but I made a discovery today that kind of blindsided me.

Today, I decided that we would watch G-Force. I am usually watching pre-school shows because he really hasn't graduated to children's movies. I put my foot down today because I am SO tired of Wow Wow Wubzy, Bob the Builder, Thomas, and The Backyardagains! I started the movie and was really starting to get into it when he goes off on how he wants to see something else.

This goes on for ten minutes. Then, he starts freaking out over any scene that has suspense. I keep explaining how it's a Disney movie.......no guinea pig will die.....it will end happy!! The pep talk wasn't really sinking in his little brain. Just getting through the movie was exhausting!

Finally, it was time for movie wrap up! You know the time we all spend reviewing a film after we see it! Sometimes this part is even more fun than watching the movie! Why??? Because this is when we connect as humans.......we share an event that we both experienced emotionally.

We connect!

I got to this part with DJ......I asked him how he liked the movie? He responded with, "I want to watch Extreme Trains." I asked him again.....elicited the same response. I then asked him what pig he liked best.....I got, "I want to get out." This question and answer period went on for another ten minutes. Toward the end, I must admit that I was starting to get a little nasty.......out of shear frustration. I wanted to beg him to relate to me.....see something I did.

Thank God, our time ended in the HBOT. I was struck a little later how it's almost impossible to connect with DJ on a primal level. I know he loves me.....and I love him. I was still left feeling that my son and I have nothing in common.......nothing to talk about......nothing to share.

I could give you every scientific explanation for why this is......I could explain to you how his brain is miswired and how this affect his ability to communicate, relate, and make emotional connections. Truth is that today all I felt was heartache.......The in your face, painful, heart wrenching pain. I had to realize that DJ and I may never have things to talk about except what he finds interesting. I don't even know if he cares that I don't care and am tired of hearing about it.

Tomorrow, we go to Phoenix for two days of doctor's appointments, IV's, and OT. Tomorrow I will bury my hurt and frustration and blindly have faith. Thank God.....I have tomorrow. This is how I cope...........this is how I survive.

Is God Calling???

I feel a shift....a change.....a movement....somewhere in my soul.

Lately, I have felt restless......grumpy.....invisable.....in a rut. Here I sit.....a teacher without a job. I know being a mother is an important job. I also know raising a disabled child has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. Still, my soul thirsts for more.

Why.....what can I do now? I know that God has called me to do more than I am doing now..........

I think I figured it out tonight......I need to go to Haiti. I need to make a difference and use the gifts that God has given me. I can teach....I can lead...I can help.

The times in my life that I have felt the most energized are when I have been actively engaged in helping others......now more than ever I need to be a part of something bigger than myself. Don't we all feel that way......when teaching, assisting. or helping others.....don't you feel like a bigger part of something?

I don't know where this is going to lead but i will keep posting my journey. Needs are everywhere.....I just feel this is something God is calling me to do. The people of Haiti needed tremendous help before this happened. This need will go on for years after the media has long since left. I want to be there to help. Guess I better start working on my Creole!! :)