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Friday, September 11, 2009

Climbing Out of the Pit

I'm going to be gone for a couple of days so I won't post again until Monday or Tuesday. This is going to be the beginning of a series. I feel compelled to tell the story of how I learned to live with an unwelcome guest that came to live in my house. His name is Autism and he showed up to steal a beautiful little boy away from me. This will be the story of how I fought back......how I still fight today for my son and others just like him............

The last couple of days I seem to be reminiscing with other parents of "special" children. People who walk in my shoes everyday.......my friends! God may have allowed Autism to hit my house, but He gave me awesome friends to help carry me down the road.

Anyway, been reminiscing. Going down the long road that I started three years ago. Back to the really scary days.....the first days when the doctor blew up my whole world. I have been thinking of how it felt to hear the words.......your son has Autism. I remember crying in the office.......just staring at my sweet little boy. Waiting for time to pass, for the words to disappear.

I got home from Phoenix and started running. I DON'T RUN! I put my IPod on and started hoofing.....not going anywhere in particular......just running. Crying, and running just trying so hard to run away from my pain. We all know that you can't.

I let myself grieve for two weeks.......

Then, with the determination of a Pit Bull, I dug in. Nobody was going to tell me my boy was lost forever.....nobody! I spent HOURS on the computer and at the libraries. I didn't sleep or eat much. I just searched for answers and cried out to God. I cried enough to fill buckets and kept thinking of how God counted all my tears....how He cried with me. Still, I searched in desperation for someway to bring my son back.....to allow him to live in our world. It was truly the darkest moment of my life. Even darker than when I had cancer. Black.....Dark.........

I followed this path for about a month. Then, in His time......God began to open doors for me. I met people that pointed me in directions that ultimately led me to Dr. Cindy Schneider. Here was my lifeline. She is DJ's autism doctor and in many ways my friend. I had already put DJ on the "diet", and started supplements before I first met her so we were ready for the long haul........

The point of the story is that I fell in a deep pit. The pit of desperation and despair. Ever been there?? Think we all have. The pit is deep and seems insurmountable. Little rays begin to shine down on you down there in the pit.......rays from heaven. You hold on and reach for the light and stumble many times. Eventually, you crawl out one agonizing step at a time. Hand over hand....dirty, muddy, crying, screaming, fighting every step. Finally, you haul yourself out. You lay on the ground just grateful you made it.......you're totally exhausted. Then, the hard part starts. You start living all over again.

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